Valentine's Day

This will hopefully be the first and last post about a movie I've never seen. The cast blows my mind, like a souped up Ocean's 11. Minus the tween/Twilight/Grey's Anatomy cast. Double minus George Lopez (nice show, by the way). Triple-dog minus Ashton Kutcher...you're the worst. Actually, looking at this list, the only star shinning in 2012 is Catwoman. This movie must have blah-EW!

Gran Torino

And I'd like to leave my 1972 Gran Torino to... 
...my friend... Thao Vang Lor. On the condition that you don't chop-top the roof like one of those beaners, don't paint any idiotic flames on it like some white trash hillbilly, and don't put a big, gay spoiler on the rear end like you see on all the other zipperheads' cars. It just looks like hell. If you can refrain from doing any of that... it's yours.  

If you're a man who's getting up there in age, you're probably reading this by accident. But while we have you, let's take a few pages from ODH (Old Dirty Harry) on how to effectively be a grumpy old man badass. Quite honestly, that's the only kind of old man I want to be.

Hot Rod

"Is that Sully?! Babe, I gotta go say whatup to Sully."

Attention all douche bags, arrogant lax bros, fratty moneybags out there: Will Arnett is making fun of you. It's a double edge sword, though. He's doing such a good job that it's almost enviable to be this kind of a person. More regrettable than finding yourself to be guilty of douche-cockery, is glancing at Will Arnett's IMDB page and seeing he is known for Ratatouille and Despicable Me...COME ON! For our purposes, we'll take his best movie role to this point, which comes in the Lonely Island weird-out contest Hot Rod.