Gene: Now, we need to make 8 gallons of bug juice by snack hour; do you know where the powder packets are? Gary: [irritated] Yeah. Gene: In the pantry over the sink, right next to my bottle of dick cream... wait....ignore that last comment. Gary: Did you say dick cream? Gene: No! I said stick... team, you know, stick team! Stickball! Forget about it, go away, leave me alone!You listen to me, Mr. Kickass. Christopher Meloni demands to be taken hilariously. It's hard to say why procedural dramas like Law & Order, or even it's much better spin-off Special Victim's Unit, have staying power while diverse and talented groups of funny people have a more limited life span (Party Down, Arrested Development). Wet Hot American Summer grossed just a shade under $300K. Anyone, top of your head, know how much the latest Twilight abortion made? Just a shade under $300 Million. Hey Mr. Pattinson, Mr. Rubber Buurrner. You wipe that hot shot grin off your face or I'll shoot it off ya.
Stabler aside, the cast is the comedy version of a Gary Marshall movie. Are you ready for this? There's Paula (the Booker), Dr. Niles Crane, Michael Showalter Showalter, Reed Carlson from the O.C. (This one's not that special, she's just in the movie a lot and it would be weird if she didn't have a cool best-career performance reference in this), Ron Donald, I love the 70's/80's/90's/New Millennium guy, Dumb high school guy from In & Out / Priest in 30 Rock, Martin Gary from Role Models, Peter Klaven, Mary Katherine Gallagher, Francis the Driver, Leslie Knope, Beth from The 40-Year Old Virgin, Frank from 30 Rock, AND Sterling Archer as the can (see top picture).
Overload. Overload. Let's meet to discuss all this. Shall we say 9:30, 10 years from now? If you've got a meeting and you want the other person to show up on time, say "make it your beeswax to get there on time" and see if they chuckle. Then say, "Great, cuz I have something at 11" regardless of the truth.
High school relationships are phenomenal for guys. Nobody knows anything. Consequently, this is pretty standard.
If you're the cool guy, try some of these on your much more attractive girlfriend who will probably be the best looking girl you'll ever sleep with.
- on spending nonsexual time together: "Goddamnit, you're suffocating me. I'm chocking, alright? Give me some breathing room."
- on best way to change the subject: "My butt itches."
- on being soulmantes: "What? yeah, whatever, if you want."
- on the relationship being special: "Fuck you, dyke!"
- on being an asshole: "I gotta finish my breakfast. I love you baby, so good talking to you."
- on seeing you later...middle finger pole twirl.
I'm sure not all of you are so extroverted. Perhaps some get so lost in thought about the relationship that they can't think about anything...
But that's what summer camp is all about, right? Passion. We've all had a secret moment in the cabin or let our attention stray away from the kids once in a while. Point is, it was OK to be young and dumb. Speaking of that, if only this song was longer...
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