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| Puffer doesn't like bad guys |
Thing's aren't going your way? That fake accent you've adopted at work finally outed by the annoying lady from HR? Blow off some steam, Dillon style. Careful, pull it back a little. Don't make it Ke$ha style, even though it's still hilarious. You'll feel better.
Speaking of work... Here's lesson number one in how to get comfortable.
I'd like to think that the nudie calendar and the pants unzipped are mutually exclusive, but I'm an optimist. Probably advantageous not to do this at work or even at home, unless you're trying to make a power play of some kind over your employees or for control of the remote.
If you think Dillon's issue is sensitivity, think again. He's a regular William Randolph Hearst.
It's doubtful that you can actually use this one anymore: "My real passion is my hobby...I work with retards". That's ok, save it for a lonesome moment when you need a quiet chuckle to yourself. Nobody's watching... Taken outside the R-word context, you can apply this to many situations involving poor saps you know and either truly love or sarcastically hate: "Those goofy bastards are just about the best thing I've got going". Deadpan the choked up tears and you've nailed the reference.
Too much Matt Dillon? Quiet, Drama. You'll have your turn if the Entourage movie is any good. Speaking of Brett Fav...re, here's something you can use when famous people show up unexpectedly:
Of course, it works best if the person is actually Brett Favre. He's got nothing better to do these days, so chances are good that you'll see him around. Probably at your local yard with other jean-clad dudes throwing the pigskin around.
Have dogs? Good for you! You can really freak people out with this response to the question, he bite?
Little bit.
Ok here's where it all comes together. The best of the rest, as it were in this Dillon-centric post. In the parlance of our time, it's come to be know as the Frank and Beans. Let's dive in...
Basically, you've got a list of Do's and Don'ts. Bad news first.
Don't...
...stare longingly at a pair of rats with wings, or have any involvement whatsoever with the birds. They're dealbreakers and you'll only get yourself in trouble.
...zip up too quickly. Self explanatory.
...trust stretchers or those who are "trained" to operate them. And lose the thumbs up, everyone saw your career snap in half.
Do...
...Bring in all the people you can to get a proper diagnosis of your ailment.
...Scream as loud as you can to get the help you need for this emergency.
...Get the proper credentials for those who are around you (i.e. Dental Hygenists = trained to handle pierced scrotums)
...be careful what you say around those who are supposedly out of earshot.
And finally, if you've ever accidentally killed someone else's dog. This method of revival seems 100% medically accurate.
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