Groundhog Day

You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

 That pretty much sum up the quicksand feeling of neutrality in your life? Is this New Year going to be all that different from any other year? Sure, routine events may take on a new variance and of course every day won't be exactly the same. But odds are they'll be close.


Wait a minute, isn't a new year supposed to refresh my sense of purpose, drive and ambition for a life better than the one I currently live? Give that a month, tops. Why not just send me the yearly gym membership fees and the new floss because they're a waste of your money and pocket space.

Unpleasantness lurks around the corner for everyone. Just ask Phil on his way to do a news report on the groundhog when the human pimple Ned Ryerson rears his ugly head. Bill Murray's Phil appropriately realizes that there are many ways to deal with a blemish, a lot of which can be fun. For our purposes, we all have old acquaintances we'd rather not see ever again who come stumbling back into our lives for an excruciating few minutes. Remember your training, and choose from a few of these options.

The Painful Nod-Along

Ned Ryerson!
Groundhog Day — MOVIECLIPS.com

They take you by surprise, you've assumed your natural state of muted politeness and not 10 seconds in does that stranger to you, old friend to them have you by the knot in your tongue. This then leads to the painful nod along as that stranger recounts some "meaningful" experience you two shared. Your memory is already jogged by that awful thing you were so happy to be rid of on the last day of camp/year of college/day of work...whatever. Here's something to save your ass even during the painful nod-along. When person X (if X=Extra Awful) asks person Y (if Y= Yours truly) what you're doing for dinner, you may happily say: "Something else". You will envariably step into a puddle or run into a street sign because your mind will be focused on the horrific traffic accident that was the last two minutes of your life and you're recalling whether you inadvertently gave out your phone number or gained another faux Facebook friend. Take it in stride, it will all be over soon.

Though it won't feel like it. Because this sort of thing happens more often than you plan. Though it won't be a carbon copy like it is in Groundhog Day, it will be close. So try this other move.

The Ronnie "One Shot"

This is likely the last thing you're going to do in this situation unless the person you remember is someone who truly deserves it or you live in the Jersey Shore (click the category link if you're lost). Sometimes you're on the edge and someone or something pushes you off. Probably a good thing I'm not a judge, because I would often side with the brutalizers over the pulverized antagonists.

On the flip side, if you have a flare for the drama queen and are comfortable enough to pull it off, try this.

The I'm Gay Now

On mostly all accounts, this move is a gamble. Perhaps more so than the Ronnie "One Shot", because while both moves might land you in court, there's only one that will land you in muddy water in the court of public opinion: The I'm Gay Now. So person X (if X=Extremely Homophobic) should shuck all the pleasantly annoying nostalgia he or she might have been planning on sharing in lieu of a long hug and a proposition. Here's the biggest disclaimer of all: You run the risk of person X turning out to be person i (if i=into it.)

If all else fails and you just need to go for a drive, there's nothing like spending some quality time on the open road with your pet.

Groundhog Day - Phil learns how to drive from Pk Lugia on Vimeo.