American Psycho

It's hard to pick a favorite from so many great quotes. Even that is a slight reference to Christian Bale's soulful yuppie pining for Whitney Houston's debut LP, called simply, Whitney Houston.
Every life moment referencing American Psycho leads to another, making reference to this movie easy because there is no wrong reference. The popularity comes from this essentially being an R-rated, Wall Street version of The Office if Jim worked out, fixed his face and started murdering women.
Since we're all new at this here. Let's try to have some semblance of structure. So here's a bullet point breakdown. Why? BECAUSE I WANT TO FIT IN.

1. The Business Card Scene 
2. The Threesome
3. The Paul Allen Dinner
4. The Paul Allen Murder
5. The Questioning 
6. The Laundry
7. The Video Tapes

1. The Business Card Scene

Many will recognize the "business card scene from American Psycho" as starting at minute 1:30 when Bateman unsheathes his card holder to show the group his new card. This is misinformed. To be a real connoisseur and raise a few eyebrows among quotable quote lovers, you must start with Louis and Bateman. We already suspected Louis of liking convertible junk bonds, if you know what I mean...Guys. He likes to fuck guys. Whether Bateman knows this or not doesn't matter. It only compounds the hilarity when Louis, after reaching over to grab Bateman's suit to feel the material, gets slapped away with a stern, "Your compliment was sufficient, Louis." Use this line sparingly and with the right audience, because it flies under the radar and could out you as a homophobe.

Suggestions for usage include:

• Someone giving multiple compliments on an outfit or article of clothing in a given day. 
• After unwanted, unexplained gropings under the guise of "I like your shirt". 
• Anytime you wear anything out of the ordinary and people give you shit for it. 

Don't worry, we'll go in depth about Paul Allen later. Having said that, "Great Sea Urchin Ceviche" is a go to line when talking about virtually any restaurant. The real part 2 of this scene begins with, "What is that, a gram?" Which is Bryce asking Bateman if his business card holder is a gram of cocaine. Here's a fantastic open ended quote that applies to any situation where someone wants to show something new to a group. A nice follow up to that in the same situation, if the group approves of the new item, would be "Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?" Fair warning: Many have tripped up on that one because of the wordiness and pacing of the line.

Sample real world application:

• Dan has a new phone. Dan reaches into pocked for new phone to show to the group and pulls it out of his pocket. Will asks "What is that, a gram?" (laughter) Dan says something about his new phone, yada yada features, yada yada data plan and there's a pause. Will interjects: "Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?" (laughter and a hand clap!)

A couple more elements to this scene. The first is Bateman's quick response to "Good coloring" as he says, "That's bone". Wear a lot of white and bait people into commenting on your duds, then drop that line on them. The second is Bateman's internal monologue after reviewing Paul Allen's card: "Look at that subtle off-white coloring, the tasteful thickness of it. Oh my god! It even has a watermark." To which Louis replies: "Something wrong? Patrick? You're sweating." It's hard to work this whole thing into a conversation unless you're going line for line with someone. But if you want to do the pseudo gay voice and get away with it, go up to your buddy on a hot day, ask him if something's wrong and say, "You're sweating."

2. The Threesome

Well this is just a hardbody banging two whores, how do I reference that? I'll tell you in a minute. There are two takeaways from the sex scene to define all sex scenes. The first one is, after Bateman has told Christy to get down on her knees so Sabrina can see her asshole, he stops mid-Phil Collins sermon to forcefully offer directions: "Sabrina, don't just stare at it. Eat it." There are too many applications to itemize, but the general rule of thumb for use of this line is: if one or more people are looking at something disgusting, use immediately.
The second part of this scene is slightly more delicate, but infinitely more high-five worthy. Somewhere mid-doggy-style-coitus, Bateman does the muscleman flex with one arm and points to the camera while looking in the mirror. He then demonstrates the origins of the Batman voice as he says "Look at the camera" to the women. The last part notwithstanding, you've not had proper sex until you've looked into the mirror, pointed off in the distance, and flexed whilst your woman is face down in a pillow none the wiser. Feel free to mumble "Look at the camera" too.

3. The Paul Allen Dinner

Lost in the lore of this film is the setup to Bateman murdering Paul Allen. Having mistaken Bateman for the dickhead Marcus Halberstram, the two go to dinner. Bateman strolls in the restaurant to find Allen at the table berating the waiter whereupon the frustrated character gets told: "J&B straight and a corona". Unfortunately the waiter doesn't get it and asks, "Would you like to hear the specials" to which Bateman responds, "Not if you want to keep your spleen." Ways to use the drink order: if you're ever mad or frustrated or had a long day. Even if you don't actually want either of those drinks, throw the line out there and see if anybody picks up on it. If they do, your evening just got a whole lot better. Ways to use the spleen line: if anyone asks to do/show/tell you anything and you don't want to hear it.
Let's run down the rest of the back and forth Bateman/Allen repartee:

• Allen: You're late 
• Bateman: Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Gimme a break. *

• Allen: We should have gone to Dorsia. I could have gotten us a table. 
• Bateman: Nobody goes there anymore. *

• Allen: Evelyn? Great ass. Goes out with that loser Patrick Bateman, what a dork! *
• Bateman: Haha. Another martini, Paul?

* Quotable quote from underrated scene. Preserve for conversations with known American Psycho enthusiasts.

4. The Paul Allen Murder

Christian Bale went out of his way to give the dinner scene to Jared Leto. Now, Leto returns the favor. After several more double absolutes and failed Ivana Trump sightings, the two return to Bateman's minimalistic Upper West Side apartment and complete a scene with greater juxtaposition of 80's music and violence than Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.

A disclaimer: You will not be able to quote this whole scene successfully in a social setting, so please don't try. There is way too much to remember and it's too long. If you must remember a longer line, make it this: "I think their undisputed masterpiece is Hip to be Square, a song so catchy most people probably don't listen to the lyrics, but they SHOULD because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trend, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. HEY PAUL!" Though if someone were to rattle off this lengthy gem, they might be cast into the Asperger's Syndrome waste bin of society by the masses, instead of raised onto their shoulders and carried off the field.

You're more than likely going to trade quotes like "Why are there copies of the style section all over the place? Do you have a dog? a little chow, haha", "Is that a raincoat?", or "TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD!" All of which are fine and dandy. The style section quote can be used over any newspaper-on-the-floor situation, the raincoat for any raincoat wearer, and the Dorsia preferable where screaming is appropriate like a sports arena.
And let's not forget the Halloween factor. Of course, one cannot be Patrick Bateman without the raincoat and face half covered in blood. Axes and Sony Walkman headphones are a bonus. Have a look at some of these alpha males that got the costume right.



5. The Questioning

The chameleon Willem Defoe is under used in this film. But for the purpose of this exercise, he gets to sit witness to two masterful lines: "Oh Africa, brave Africa. It was a laugh riot." and "That whole Yale thing"

Application for Africa line:
Person X: Hey what play did you see last night?
You: (name of play). It was a laugh riot. 

Generally the whole Yale thing is best used while in high school or college; however, a person at a rival company can also be used nicely. Let's have a look.

Person Y:What do you mean (rival high school, college, or company) thing?
You: Well I think for one that he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That (rival high school, college, or company) thing

6. The Laundry

If there's one thing Pat Bateman's good at, it's shitting on minorities. Black, gay, homeless, Chinese, it's all the same to Pat Bateman. So enjoy the moment of rage before you start quoting the real goods when what's-her-face comes in. After a night of literally devouring some model's box, average looking girl with the beret asks Bateman what the stain is: "Oh well it's cranberry juice, cran-apple." Use this for any and all stains you ever get on anything.

If there's another thing Pat Bateman's good at, it's sprinkling Les Miserables into his life. From staring his cold gaze into the reflection of a Les Miz poster in his bathroom to making up an on-the-spot excuse for blowing off the heffer. Les Miserables defined Musical theater in the 80's for the Yuppies. If you ever need a believable excuse, just say: "Can't I'm afraid. Matinee of Les Miz".


7. The Video Tapes

I have to return some video tapes....

AND don't worry if you didn't leave a name...."They know me."