Scream

Neve Campbell, Matthew Lillard, Skeet Ulrich. Who lets names like these headline a movie? They're real people masked behind a shameful package of ridiculousness. But then, that's also Scream. A real horror movie wrapped in a self-deprecating awareness of this one truth: scary movies are ridiculous. Even repeat viewings of Scream warrant an eye roll, but how scary was it the first time we saw the scream mask? It's played out now, but 10 years ago you would have been taken seriously if you went as Ghostface for Halloween. Even better, you could quote this movie to no end. Electronically altered phone voices and Lillard's one-liners make for a chilling refresher and a reminder that Wes Craven isn't so ridiculous after all.


Begin at the beginning. It's hard to remember whether the reviewers trashed this movie or gave it kudos, but one thing is for sure: they all loved the opening scene.


"What's your favorite scary movie?" Don't ask this question with the low voice intonation because everyone will laugh their blond tits off at you. If you're jonesing for a little Scream nostalgia, ask a woman in your voice what her favorite scary movie is. But pretend, in your own head, you're the killer...psycho. Side note, if you're not a fan of popcorn, when asked you can answer, "No thanks, I only eat popcorn at the movies."

Funny, quotable quotes don't usually come in droves from the finales of horror movies. But here are with a movie that redefines the genre. And here we find Matthew Lillard's Stu with some real golden nuggets.


Unless you're on the straight and narrow, you're going to do something bad. And unless you're a sociopath, you're going to get busted. But here's a playful little answer to the question why? "Peer pressure, I'm far too sensitive." Then, when whatever your heinous crime might be, ask the rat who sold you out, "Did you really call the (people who got you in trouble)?" in your best whimper. Then, break out into a faux cry and exasperate, "My Mom and Dad are going to be so mad at me!"

So try not to go flashing your shit all over town like you're Sharon Stone or something this Halloween, remember the rules, and do whatever you can to avoid garage doors with strange men...Boo GAH!